Parenting is hard enough, but when your child carries the invisible weight of trauma, the rules change. What works in a “typical” home doesn’t always apply, and what looks like defiance or dishonesty on the surface is often something much deeper.
Having children who have lived through traumatic experiences is a whole other ballgame.
Even when they are safe and deeply cherished, the world they live in is not the same one I live in. Their lives become filtered through films and screens of survival, shaped by twisted beliefs of what love really is. Manipulation and lies become tools—not because they are cruel at heart, but because survival once taught them those tools were necessary to get what they believed they needed or deserved.
Sometimes that plays out in ways that break my heart. A child may tell a teacher or a neighbor a story that paints me as the villain because in their mind, getting what they want requires someone else to swoop in as the hero. And sometimes, I think they really do believe the story they’ve created. It often takes hard knocks and painful lessons for them to recognize where their views have been distorted.
And for us, the ones in the trenches with them, the weight of those misperceptions can be exhausting.
God is so good to surround my heart when the trauma-filled battles once again roll around. His protection is not only in the shielding but also in the sustaining. After so many years, the fatigue is real. There are moments when I want to throw up my hands and whisper, “I just can’t anymore.”
Yet, faithfully, my Savior nourishes me. He strengthens me to survive the moments and whispers hope into my weary spirit—not only for my future but for my child’s as well.
This road of trauma parenting doesn’t come with quick fixes or neat and tidy outcomes. It is messy. It is heart-wrenching. It is holy work.
I’m reminded that my job is not to heal every wound or rewrite every distorted belief. My job is to stand firm in love, to anchor myself in God’s truth, and to trust that He is bigger than the trauma. Bigger than the manipulation. Bigger than the broken perceptions.
And in that truth, there is rest.
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” — Psalm 34:18
So if you’re walking this same road, take heart—you don’t walk it alone.
And in that truth, there is rest.
