This past week I spent my mornings sitting in the back of my 7th grader’s class. I did not go there to embarrass him, contrary to what he thought my purpose was. I did not go to make sure he was doing the right thing by policing him nor to investigate his friendships. I went to observe him in his natural surroundings. I knew my presence, though, made the common habits of a 13 year old boy difficult. Still, I had my eyes searching for any type of academic engagement.
My son is quite capable of a “B” average, straight “A’s” if he pushes himself. In his circle of peers, though, it is not the popular thing to raise your hand in class, whether to ask a question or to give an answer. I guess the teens are concerned with looking too smart or too confused. As a result, some bad habits, accompanied with matching grades, have begun to emerge. My job is to help my son overcome previous choices, but such a task can be daunting and trying to produce new habits in this kid is not easy. Fortunately, I am a parent committed to grow responsible young people. 
I actually had a pretty good time at school. I sat in my designated chair, opened my tablet and then developed a system to keep track of his involvement. Next, I diligently invested my time on Pinterest planning dinners for the next couple of weeks (complete with grocery list). Texting the hubster to keep him filled in on all of the hand raising, answering and asking of questions was of severe importance. I then kept up on facebook, noting the new things I learned like what an “ellipsis” is. I also did some blog planning but did not have much time to actually write. All I really needed, was my physical attendance in the back of the class. Who really cared what exactly I was doing. My son would rarely look back to see if I was still there, it was easier to be in denial if he didn’t actually see me. Needless to say, my child’s teachers noticed an increase in academic activity as well as appropriate behavior.
It has taken me a few years but I have finally realized, why must the discipline initiated for my child be a punishment for me? I began to see the need for me to retain my sanity. So I try to make the most of my child’s corrections. I could have sulked in that seat. I could have documented the deviations. Instead, I sought out positive conduct and made sure my needs were met also.
After three days, three hours each, I have been asked to “pop in” anytime I want a few times a week. Kind of keeping my son on his toes, so-to-speak. Hopefully we can assist this boy in forming new habits both educationally as well as socially.
Today, I popped in, unannounced, went back to my chair and updated my grocery list. Just prior to leaving for his math class, my son was invited outside to take a spelling test he had missed. In his absence, I too became absent. I did wait to leave the school, as he would pass the parking lot on the way to math. I wanted him to see my van and anticipate me joining the class at any moment. Instead, I popped into my vehicle, drove to the grocery store, pulled up that grocery list, and shopped for those dinners.
Oh yeah, I actually had time to write today too!
Deterring Deviations
